It was late one night in the middle of a rather large LARP (Live Action Role Playing) combat encounter. It was quite dark out, but that never seemed to stop us. The group consisted of about 12 characters, two of which were scantily clad clerics of the healing goddess who tend to stay away from battle. After a crafty monster broke away from the larger combat, it got a run by attack on the clerics. After a near scrape and the monster fleeing, the cleric dropped to her knees. A few of the near by clerics had turned their attention to her, and inquired if she was praying for something. The response that came back from the cleric was " Somebody please help me, I'm naked ". Seems that near miss didn't leave the cleric as untouched as was previously thought.

We were up late gaming one night and a buddy of mine named Pete was sitting on my couch that has a reputation for "eating" the things dropped into it. It came to a point in the game when I requested that Pete give me a perception check. Pete was suffering quite a bit of drowsiness from a hard day at work and had dropped his dice into the couch during his attempt at the roll. He groggily reached into the couch, withdrew his hand and made a roll. Everybody looked at the table before him at the results of his roll to find laying there was the walnut that Pete pulled from the couch and attempted to roll. At this point I decided that Pete in fact had failed his perception check.

Pete was playing his mighty fighter character named Donal. A strong human warrior with a personality more fitting a dwarf. After having a particularly distressful encounter interrogating an ork the party had captured, he returned to the group with his report. What Pete intended Donal to say was " The ork got impertinent with me, so I killed him". What actually came out was " The ork got impotent with me, so I killed him". The party never quite looked at poor Donal the same way again.

We were at a LARP and one of the characters was to choose a champion to bring to a trial of honor. A strong dwarven warrior was chosen as the champion. As they got on their way to the challenge, he hefted his magical frostbrand sword and strapped on his suit of platemail.. For extra care, he took up a second sword in his off hand in favor of a shield. As they came to the sight of the challenge of honor, their challenger stood awaiting the champion. He was a rather scrawny man in peasant garb wielding a tiny dagger. Fearing a trick, the group sent forward their champion. The mage gave their champion a potion of strength. The thief coated the champions blades with deadly poison. The cleric called down his deity's blessings on the champion. The battle began, and one swing of both the dwarves swords later the poor peasant was laid to waist. The trial of honor was lost and still to this day the songs of "peasant slayer" are sung near and far

A buddy of mine named Pat was playing a wizard in another friend's game. Near the beginning of a trip to some far away place, the party was passing through some rural outlying farmland of the city they just left. As the group moves along, they come across a number of haystacks clumped together just a bit off the road. From behind one of the haystacks an odd scraping sound is heard. Without a second thought, Pat's wizard lobs a fireball behind the haystack which produced flying corpses of the farmers who had previously been working there.

Our party of adventurers had just stumbled into a temple of a deity we know little about. Within the temple are two robed figures whom we address, and ask some basic of such as "who are you?", "who is this church dedicated to?", that kind of thing. What follows is an excerpt from the conversation that ensued.

Their cleric: You barge into our temple and rudely ask these questions of us, who are you and what god do you serve?.

Our cleric: My name is Mario, and I serve....... um... hold on, can somebody help remind me of the name of my God. .

This is a conversation excerpt from a recent game after a battle when the party is attempting to care for the injured halfling.

Cleric: Oh damn, I can't heal those critical wounds with my cure light wounds spell, can I

DM: Nope

Cleric: I guess I'll have to resort to a tourniquet

Bard: Isn't the wound in the center of her back though ?

Dwarf: Guess well have to tourniquet the neck then.

Twice a year I run a LARP. In order to play, a rules quiz must be passed which proves an understanding of the rules. Im a nice guy, so I E-mail out a copy before hand so people can actually learn the stuff. This is one of the more funny responses somebody mailed back

Question: You should have a pouch of some sort. What are the most important things you should carry with you at all times?

Received Answer: A condom-- LARPers are notoriously easy.

I was recently playing a World of Darkness game with a friend named Carl who had vampire character named Quigley. My character Shane was some ways away when Quigley made an observation he though was important to share. Realizing he didn't have my character's cell phone number, he eventually remembered that his character was capable of establishing telepathic communication. After making the appropriate roll successfully, Quigley said telepathically "Hey Shane, what's your cell phone number, I have something important to tell you".

We were playing a world of darkness game. In the middle of a rather important meeting with a group of vampires, a strange event occurs. It appears that all the vampires ( theirs and ours) drop to the ground clutching their heads and screaming. This event seriously harmed of the present kindred. Vamps of one particular clan were far more seriously effected than the others. After some of the vamps recovered, those we were friendly with recounted a horrible mental vision/experience they had encountered which caused them such agony. My friend Carl decides it might be a good idea to mentally get into the mind of one that was dying as a result of the vision to see what it had experienced. Carl didn't have a good day.

I was recently at a friend's home in a trailer park playing one of the may card games on the market these days. In this trailer park like many others, parking is hard to find, and I parked where I shouldn't have. I pulled my white dodge spirit ( I am a ghost hunter after all ) into a spot surrounded by at least 3 red cars on either side. About a half hour into the game, the angry neighbor who's spot I must have parked in honked her horn until we opened the window to speak with her. My friend shouted out to the upset lady " which car is in your way". After about 5 seconds of though the neighbor replied with " the one next to the red one". I personally would have called it the white one myself.

In a AD&D game I'm currently playing, my friend Jack and I were about to do battle with some foul group of undead. As the battle is about to begin, Jack prepares is war cry. "You shall feel my wrath!". This would have been cool, but what he accidentally said instead was very funny. "You shall feel my rash!"

My friend Brandon was playing his necromancer character Tomas in an AD&D campaign I'm running. Tomas happens to be the administrator / mayor of a small town he helped to found. One dark night Tomas hears a strange sound at the window of his tower. As he opens the window to investigate; by luck he narrowly avoids death from an assassins crossbow bolt. Obviously He's very upset with this. In his rage and haste.. He summons up a wraith to do his bidding. Planning to nip this problem in the bud he orders his undead minion " Kill all potential assassins!" As the shadowy beast departs into the streets and homes of the town, Tomas realizes the full implications of his order. "Oops".

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